June 23, 2012
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Where the wind blows
An excerpt, from my paper journal, that I shared at Mom’s memorial service.
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I have been wrestling with the concept of death.
I have been struggling with how life is finite, how it stops and ends there, at death. How it’s permanent, how it leaves you with this void, an emptiness that never fills again. The place in my heart previously filled by Mom and all her wisdom, tenderness, words of affirmation, caring gestures and thoughtful gifts; her stories and memories… that place will be quiet, once she is gone.
During a walk the other day, a strong gust of wind blew right before me, whisking the petals right off blooming flowers of nearby trees. The wind, seemingly invisible, suddenly became very noticeable, beautifully entrapping white petals and green leaves in its arms, swirling around and around, dancing before me like a Viennese waltz.
Those flowers on the trees, they bloom once then fade away. The leaves overcome them and the petals fall to the ground. But those winds carried them in every direction in front and behind me.
It was then that I realized, though the wind cannot be seen, it is very real. Though the petals may fall, they still dance. Though death may come, Mom’s spirit will arise, departing for the Kingdom of Heaven to be with God. Her stories, her memories will be like beautiful flowers waltzing in the wind, accompanying me wherever I go.
Knowing that God is the ultimate Healer and life giver, gives me great peace. Ecclesiastes, chapter 3 says, “to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” In this season, we mourn the loss of Mom’s life, but for her, death is the end of her suffering, and the beginning of eternity with our all powerful, loving God.
So I pray that this is my comfort and peace, that during our time of grief, I may be firmly rooted in the knowledge of God who is our living Hope.
Comments (4)
My sincere and deepest condolences for your loss. Your mother was blessed to have such a dedicated and caring daughter by her side throughout her illness. I have found that there is a big difference between those talk about helping and those who actually take action and bring life to their words of concern.
Death would be so much easier to handle if it were like a physical land or home we could see where people are renewed to full health and energy and we could see them off as on a cruise ship knowing all was well and that we would one day be reunited with them again.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is something that will never be easy or desired. It is the fate that awaits us all but we as finite beings have great difficult in accepting our own mortality.
It is at this time when our religious beliefs play the most important role in keeping us grounded, knowing there is more to existence than just the little lives we lead on this planet. Something much more grand and glorious awaits us and we can be comforted in the knowledge that we will be reunited with our loved ones again.
Ironically, it is they who have crossed over who are likely more sad and concerned for our well being as we struggle and muddle through the problems and tribulations brought about by man’s own actions on this planet.
“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” – Philippians 3:10-11
Somehow, to attain to the resurrection.
There is a lyricism there that occasionally but frequently emerges in Paul’s writings: a breeze of something gestationally human, of not knowing how it happens but knowing exactly what will come of it. Suffering and resurrection, brokenness and redemption, death and eternal life… we may not know how one begets the other, but to know that glory, that the supreme, ecstatic satisfaction of all our sorrows in life are realized and fully Known and that your mother is laughing with tears of joy and the divine “Aha!” of eternal comprehension is a deeply comforting, if enigmatic, thought.
My prayers and thoughts go out to you, who (like me and the rest of us) still struggle on being on this side of the vail. Kyrie eleison. Our satisfaction is coming soon.
Beautiful. Not about death but for the life that is to come.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
I Corinthians 13:12
Oh Soapie, I haven’t been on Xanga for awhile and just read your entries. *hugs to you as you walk through this part of your journey and prayers to you and your family during this time of mourning, remembering, and rejoicing for your mom’s restored health in heaven. God is a God of life… abundant life on earth and everlasting life with Him. Hold tight onto our Father’s comforting hands, sister!
-em