November 14, 2011
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井底之蛙 (Frog in a Well)
After swallowing her anti-nausea pills, Mom sat at the edge of the bed, trying to keep the medication down. The sunlight streamed in through the window and gently brightened her face. Her black and gray speckled hair was beginning to grow out again, after 2 unsuccessful rounds of chemotherapy.
What do you do, when medicine fails you? What do you do, when toxic cancer medications no longer cease its malignant growth?
You wait … till the end. And you wait in pain.
Sitting across the room, I chatted with Mom, equipped with stories to distract her from the nausea. I began telling her about one of my patients, who recently immigrated to the States only to find that life was more difficult than she had anticipated.
Mom nodded in agreement. “I totally understand… when we first immigrated here, we were so poor, and we had so little. It is so difficult when your whole family is back home, and you are here alone with no support, no friends, no community. So you have to gather all your strength to do the things you think you cannot do. At the time, I was young, and I was healthy then. I was able to do things independently, and afterwards, I was so proud of myself. But looking back, I see how I was just a jǐng dǐ zhī wā.
“A what?” I asked.
Painting invisible brushstrokes with her finger, Mom spelled out the four Chinese characters. “井底之蛙 : jǐng dǐ zhī wā, that means ’frog in a well’. In Chinese there are many 4 character proverbs, or wise sayings, that seem easy to understand at face value. But they are very deep. They are steeped in wisdom and ancient Chinese history, and you wouldn’t know the meaning unless someone taught you.”
“What does it mean?”
“It’s about a frog who sits at the bottom of a well. When he looks around, he sees the water around him, and he looks up and sees the sky. He thinks he has it good, and he thinks he knows everything. But in fact, he cannot see the world outside the well. So it is actually referring to someone who is ignorant and thinks they know things, when really, they don’t know much at all.”
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Reflecting upon this proverb in the past few days, I wonder to myself, what am I going to do, when Mom is gone?
Who will teach me Chinese parables?
Who will instruct me with their hidden meaning?
Who will guide me in such wisdom?
Who will show me that I am a frog,
and how there is so much more beyond this well?
Comments (5)
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13
We are all frogs in the well of the world. We see in part, but one day we shall see in full.
My prayers go out to you, your mother, and your family. Kyrie eleison.
How do you cope with the inevitable?
@WasaiWarriorthank you, wasai… this verse is so encouraging. you’re right, one day we’ll see in full….
@wait_patiently you’re right. the inevitable will come, no matter what we do. all i can try to do is trust god, and pray for peace and wisdom to know how to spend my time wisely while she’s here.
Always heard that proverb in passing, never knew what it meant until now.
hi soapie, i haven’t been on xanga for awhile, but i always make it a point to read your entries whenever i log on. a lot of things have been going on w/ family and friends lately… been hearing a lot of injustice happening around me, and i see it’s the same on your end. it’s during these times when we reflect more deeply on what life is and realize how big our God is. you’re absolutely right about being wise in spending time with your mom and family. it’s also the best support she’ll get from you. will be praying. really.
-em